WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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