I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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