I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
