we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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