She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
