East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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