his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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