A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Randomize
