You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
