Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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