Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Sober January is a disaster.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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