Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
