Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Randomize