Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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