Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
