Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
