i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize