The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
not ubering you a puppy
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
