i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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