I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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