Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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