You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
