He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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