Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Randomize