MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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