the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
