All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Randomize
