It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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