Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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