blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
