It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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