He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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