Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
