The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
