thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize