But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
