Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Randomize
