At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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