Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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