i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
