there was a trapeze. enough said
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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