My first STD was from a foam party
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
did i just pee glitter
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
