All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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