Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
