it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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