i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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