respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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