This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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