Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
