At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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