I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
