i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
