you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
