check it out our google latitudes are spooning
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
