my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
