I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
