I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
