i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
