And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
