Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
