omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
