is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
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