All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
