We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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