I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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