Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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