He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
