you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
