I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
