Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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