Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Randomize
