Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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