Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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