Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
